This is one that I used to believe in more. Is it a character trait? No...but I guess it is something about me that's positive, so I'll keep it. I used to believe in it more before Scott started telling me to stop singing in my head voice and to sing in my chest voice, and that he didn't want me to be shrill. I had never thought of myself as shrill in music before...
Other worship leaders have told me to go ahead and sing in my head voice, that I sound great. Maybe it's just a case of preference to some degree. Pastor Scott has had musical training and went to school for music so I figured he knows what he's talking about, and I got pretty down on myself; one more thing that isn't so great about me.
But I hear way more feedback about my voice being lovely, so maybe I shouldn't take Pastor Scott's word as gospel.
I remember Pastor Jeff telling me that I was gifted with a beautiful voice and a heart for worship, and that my example of worship leads other to be able to worship. I love that thought. I really just want people to be able to feel that they are loved by God and to be able to get closer to him. I am reading a book by Larry Crabb called Papa Prayer. It's about approaching God relationally instead of transactionally. I think I tend to do that already, through worship, and I long for people to be able to approach him that way too. I don't think I'm perfect - clearly, since I've stepped away from worship team because I'm having a hard time feeling like I belong or am wanted on the team.
I guess I'm not supposed to care about belonging or being wanted? I'm supposed to be about worshiping Jesus, not whether I belong. Is it really possible to go and have a pure heart of worship in an environment that feels hostile? well duh, yes - what about Christians in prison or in hostile countries? They manage. Something to ponder.
Anyway. Regardless of anyone else: I believe that I do have a good voice. I have loved singing since I was tiny. And I know that I have been given an amazing gift, to be able to hear and sing harmony to almost anything - and not just one harmony, but multiple. I love being able to sing and I'm thankful that God gave me musical ability. It doesn't have to be the best, just my best offering. I feel blessed.
I feel sad that Pastor Scott would say something to you that would shut your singing down, however "learned" or "well-intentioned" he may have meant it to be. I know many people aren't as discerning or sensitive in matters of giving feedback as others may be. Regardless, I've been glad when you've used your music gift to offer worship times to us and others!
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