identity exercise: spirit-filled

 To be identified as spirit-filled...this is ever my desire.  For as long as I can remember, my heart's cry has been to be close to Jesus, to be filled with his Spirit.  As a very little girl, I loved God so much and I just wanted to be good for him.  My understanding of him was skewed when I was young and I was afraid, but I still loved him with all my heart.  

I've been through ups and downs in my spiritual life.  For much of my life, I felt like my relationship with God was pure discipline, not much "feeling" or experience involved.  Sometimes, I've experienced his presence profoundly.  I've felt him beckoning.  I've had times of apathy and times of passion.  I've yelled at him and sung to him.  

Most recently, it seems like he's been mostly silent.  But what I know without question is that he is present even in the silence.  I'm never alone.  I know I am beloved of him.  His Spirit is in me without a doubt and I am growing in God all the time, learning to trust more, learning to recognize his voice more readily, learning to see his leading more clearly.  I am confident that he is working in me, a good work, and he will be faithful to complete it in me.

Because I belong to God, I am Spirit-filled. What a gift.

identity exercise: generous with talents

 How can I not be generous with my talents??  They're a gift from God.  Any talent I have is because of him, not me.  The best way to show my thanks to him and to be a good steward is to share them with others.  

Every time I share my guitar playing, my voice, my writing or art, it's because God gave them to me and is pleased when I give them away.  I want any talent I might have to point people's eyes to Jesus.  My life and gifts are not about me, they are about him.  

I could keep my talents close to the vest.  I could bury them and keep them hidden, pull them out only for myself.  Especially because I don't think I'm especially talented at all.  But what I have, God gave, and I need to share in order to honour him.    

identity exercise: good host

 I don't have the gift of hospitality, so it's kind of strange to think I'm a good host.  But I think the reason is that people feel accepted by me.  I like that; I want people to know that they are acceptable just the way they are.  

Although I sometimes feel stressed about people coming over to my house, I mostly just want them to be comfortable.  So my house isn't super clean or clear of clutter, but that's not the important thing, it's how people feel.  I like to be at ease in my house and I want people to be at ease too, so my brand of hospitality is to have people help themselves.  I think that as I learn to be at ease in my own skin, I make people feel less awkward around me.

I had a friend tell me once that she felt refreshed at my house, and I love that.  It doesn't take a house in perfect order to minister peace to people who turn up.  I think if I embrace my gentle and accepting nature, that makes people feel at more at peace themselves.  

Because I don't necessarily feel gifted in hospitality, I think I'm just kind of a "what you see is what you get" person.  I don't feel like I really have anything to prove when I have people over, so I'm just myself and that adds to the comfort factor for visitors and people around me.

Good host.  I wouldn't have said it about myself, but I love that being who God made me, makes people feel comfortable enough for it to be true.

identity exercise: iridescent

 My friend Lisa Bee told me that I am "iridescent."  That's so lovely.  In the dictionary it says that iridescent means "showing luminous colours that seem to change when seen from different angles."

God is the God of beauty and colour.  He has so many attributes, there's no way to describe him as just one thing.  He seems to change when you see him from different angles, because there are so many things about him that we can never quantify them.  

I like the idea of being iridescent.  To me it seems like a gift from God.  I want my life, my personality, everything about me, to show him.  I want people to see him from every angle of me.  I want to be an example of his love.  his joy.  his peace.  his kindness.  his goodness.  his gentleness.  To me, being iridescent means being a reflection of him.

identity exercise: generous with time

 

I think it's true about me that I am generous with my time and it's something I like about myself.  Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be available to people.  

The not-so-pure part of that desire is that if I make myself available, people will value me and want me around.  That made me become a "yes" girl to my detriment a long time ago.  Eventually I crashed and ended up having to say no to everything.  Once my life was emptied of all the "doing" I was able to see how I was finding my worth in service instead of in God.  

I've slowly added things back in over the past few years - and taken things out again as I've tipped over that balance - and carefully I'm finding my way to a sweet spot.  I know I don't need to say yes to everything because I'm more centred in Christ and learning every day that my worth is in him alone.  What I do say yes to, I enjoy or I choose out of a desire to give, not a desire to take.  I get to be available to my people out of a more filled-up space rather than a "fill-me-up" space.   It's a good place.

identity exercise: talented

I've not really thought of myself as talented, per se.  I see myself as pretty mediocre.  It's not that I'm ungrateful for my abilities.  I just don't think I'm that good at anything.  I don't think it's a case of comparison, though I do see that others are much better than me at any "talent" I might possess.  I'm properly impressed by the talent of others but I don't particularly envy anyone or wish for their talent for myself.  I'm happy with my own gifts such as they are, simply because I enjoy them.

Probably first on the list is music.  I've loved to sing since I was a wee girl and naturally picked out harmonies from a very early age.  I didn't realize it was a gift until I became a mother and heard my own children sing.  It took much longer for them to come into tune!  I also enjoy playing guitar, though I get most enjoyment playing by myself rather than for anyone.  I learned bass guitar in my 40s, and love the idea of "rocking out" as a hip oldster. 😂

I've written since I was very young as well.  I wasn't a real story writer or anything, but I enjoyed writing stories and poetry in creative writing class, and I started journaling when I was ten and never looked back.  Through the years I've continued to process life through writing and I have also written for others in the form of devotionals and stories.  It's nothing breath-taking, but it's me.

I like drawing in the form of doodling, and I like dabbling with paint as well.  These are art forms in which I've had no formal training but I fake my way through and often come out with something I kind of like.  It's fun to give my doodling away as gifts.

I learned fabric arts such as crocheting and quilting in my early adulthood.  Again, these are things I like to do as gifts.  I'm not particularly good at either of them but I enjoy them and it makes me happy to give handmade things away.

So yeah, I play around with a lot of different things, but I don't think I'm particularly talented at anything.  I appreciate being able to bring happiness and enjoyment to other people with the unremarkable gifts that I have.  This brings me joy.

identity exercise: effortlessly inclusive

I love the idea of being thought of as effortlessly inclusive.  What a sweet moniker!

For most of my life, I never felt like I belonged anywhere.  I've had lots good friends, but always just felt kind of "alien" to everyone.  Even in my family, I always felt like I was different, like I didn't belong with them.  I remember as a pre-teen, asking my mom if I was adopted because I felt like I wasn't like my siblings or parents.  I didn't really feel like I fit in as I was, so I made myself into someone who would look like they fit into whatever group I was a part of.  I always thought something was intrinsically wrong with me.  I was always worried that someday the jig would be up; everyone would realize I was an imposter and reject me.  

Knowing how it feels to believe one doesn't belong anywhere, I want people in my sphere of influence to feel like they are valuable and important, just as they are.  I'll admit, it's really not effortless!  As a shy introvert, I find it hard to reach out and invite people in sometimes.  But I guess the learned skill of remaking myself has come in handy in this case!  I'd rather others feel welcome around me than uncomfortable, so I try to push past my own discomfort and include people in whatever group I'm a part of.

I've never really thought about the blessing behind feeling like I don't belong; it's always been a sad thing for me.  But looking at it now, I feel like it's been something that God has redeemed by making me into someone who tries to include others and make them feel welcome.  I love seeing how God makes beauty out of the ashes of the difficult parts of life.