identity exercise: good auntie

It's been a difficult couple of days and I haven't wanted to write at all, especially not anything good about myself.  I wish I could explain how it feels to be drowning under a black wave of despair.  I can tell myself the truth till I'm blue in the face but it doesn't seem able to hold the wave at bay.

Today I went to a friend's house to pick something up.  She's about half my age, but she and I have shared pretty openly with each other and she is wise beyond her years.  She spoke truth into the despair without discounting or trying to make it better.  I recognized the value of community today, as I left with a fresh perspective that I wouldn't have had if I had isolated (which is what I feel like doing whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed).  I need to remember this for next time.

Anyway, the thing I picked this week was "good auntie."  I'm not sure this is a character trait, but it rises out of character traits, for sure.  I have had the opportunity to build relationships with five of my nieces.  Unfortunately, with my other 8 nieces and nephews this hasn't been the case.  With them, I'm a "card-with-money" auntie, but with these five, I've been able to spend more time and that has allowed more familiarity.   

But come to think of it, this is about my identity, not necessarily about my character traits.  So if I think about it that way, "good auntie" could be part of my identity, and it's a good thing to be a good auntie.  I try to be fun, to be interested in their lives and the things they like, to spend time with them, to listen to them, and to show them affection.  As they get older, I try to strike a balance between being understanding of them and supporting their parents, because I want to be an advocate for both sides.  I love being an aunt.  I want to be someone who my nieces feel they can trust and who they can come to if they are struggling with their parents.